Found in Understanding Read online

  “I’m sorry. I just went into the first one that I came to. I’ll get out,” I said opening the door.

  She took one look at me and said, “What happened that has upset you so?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I’m going home and never coming back.”

  “That doesn’t sound like a good solution. What if you come with me to my classroom and we discuss it? I’ll call the office so they aren’t looking for you. Then we’ll have an hour to talk uninterrupted.”

  I knew I had time to kill before the bus came back to end this nightmare and take me home so I nodded and walked out with her.

  I spent the entire day going from classroom to the office back to a class to talk to this specialist and that teacher and the next counselor and finally the principal. It’s one thing to be different, another to be special and lastly to be unique, but when you appear to be another species it’s hard to hide.

  That’s what I felt like. I was so young when we joined the ranch that I had no memory of being anywhere but there. All of the other kids had years of being on the outside and they were able to assimilate back into the life. I had never been made fun of, never laughed at. I never saw anything but love given.

  They said they could change my homeroom to a different one. I smiled and said, “So your students don’t speak to each other?” I knew this news about the new girl would spread like the flu.

  “We’ll have the teachers speak to everyone tomorrow and you can come back on Wednesday. It will be different when you come back, I promise you,” the guidance counselor, Mrs. Katz said.

  I was never a quitter before today so I nodded. It was almost time for the bus trip home so Mrs. Katz opened her office door to walk me to my bus. As I walked through the doorway I heard Mrs. Cheshnow, the secretary say, “You know it’s too bad because I just gave three bags of clothes to the Goodwill that were in better shape than the things she is wearing. I should have saved them.”

  Mrs. Katz held my shoulders and said, “Wednesday, Firelight. You’ll see, it will be better, I promise!”

  Kids can be cruel. They learned it from the adults.

  I heard them snickering on the way home. I looked out the window for the entire ride. I heard one of them making a joke about a firefly being squished on a windshield. I closed my eyes and went to my refuge, the ranch. I could feel the grass on my arms as I ran through the field. I could smell the fire burning at the end of our day. I could hear the guitar and soft singing.

  Mercifully, it was my stop and most of the kids were already off the bus. I walked from the rear up the aisle towards the front when a small girl with brown hair said, “I’m Lucy and they don’t like me either. Maybe we could sit together tomorrow.”

  “Maybe, if I come back,” I said trying to give her a small smile.

  “I hope that you do” she said smiling back. I nodded and got off. I kicked the dirt the entire walk home. I wanted to make as much dust as I could. Kind of a smoke signal to give warning to my approach. My parents and Sky were in for a tough central fire tonight. There was going to be a reckoning, for sure. In my mind, I went over my speech and I took no prisoners.

  I threw my folder and a few books that had been given to me on my bed and sat down next to them. My sister came into the room and said, “So how was your first day, Firelight?” The look I gave her must have scared her because she said no more and just left the room.

  A few minutes later, just like clockwork, in walked Sky. I gave him a look that would have killed an ordinary man right where he stood, but Sky was no ordinary man. “Dove thinks you’re upset, Firelight. What’s wrong?”

  “First of all don’t call me Firelight anymore. It’s evidently not my name. I found this out first thing this morning when the teacher kept calling Neomi Dillon and I didn’t respond. I had the whole class in hysterics because I didn’t know my own name!” I was yelling and I never yell.

  Sky threw his head back and said, “Oh crap.” This was serious. He only said crap when it was serious. He never swore…ever! “I’m so sorry, it never occurred to me that you wouldn’t remember your name. It’s all my fault. What else happened?”

  “You’ll find out at the fire tonight. You’re getting roasted so you had better rest up,” I said pointing at the door for him to leave.

  “I didn’t name you Firelight for nothing. Neomi doesn’t suit you at all,” he said chuckling as he left.

  Chapter Three

  I had several hours and dinner to get through. By the time we went to our community fire, I had lost most of mine. I helped Raven, one of our father members, gather kindling and placed two small logs on top. I sat on the ancient tree trunks that served as our seats and holding my head in my hands, I went over what had really happened today.

  I wasn’t physically hurt, as no one had touched me. I was embarrassed more than anything. I felt stupid and inadequate. I had nothing to compare this to.

  Slowly everyone began to fill in the spaces on the logs around the fire. I’m sure my face reflected the inner turmoil attempting to swallow me at that moment. I finally took an incredibly deep breath and let it out, causing everyone to look at me because of the loud sigh that accompanied it.

  Sky was the last to arrive. He remained standing and said our usual opening, “With respect to everyone’s belief, or lack thereof, we give thanks for our day and this assembly.” Then he sat down.

  Grey stood to go over our old business and unresolved issues like purchasing a new mattress for Blue because he needed one badly. It was decided we would do without eggs for a few weeks and sell them to pay for the mattress.

  We moved on to new business, being told a window was broken this morning by accident when the broom handle went through it. Raven had tripped over something and landed on the broom, which then hit the window. That brought the first smile to my face that day. And Sky noticed it. Poor Raven was our oldest member. He had to be eighty-five if he was a day. I was grateful he hadn’t been hurt in the fall.

  We reached the end where anyone that has something to say or an issue to resolve, simply stands and talks. Sky stood and sadly said, “I hurt someone today. I let someone down. I didn’t mean to, there was no malicious intent. I just wasn’t thinking and it caused harm. I am truly sorry.” He sat down not looking at me. Everyone was deathly quiet for a few moments and then I stood.

  “I went to school today and I learned something very important. I learned that this place…and the people here…are the sweetest and most loving in the world. I learned that my last ten years have been the best childhood anyone could have had. And that’s a lot to learn in one day. So I’m tired and I’m going to bed. I have to go to school tomorrow.”

  Yes, I went back. And it was better even the next day. I surprised them all walking into the building and going to my homeroom. I sat down like I belonged there, because I did. I studied hard and learned everything I could and by Thanksgiving and the end of the first term, I had a better GPA than any of the laughers. It was my turn to gloat. The Honor roll was posted near the office and I was at the top.

  Neomi Firelight Dillon GPA 5

  I took all AP courses and aced them. Take that, haters!

  Lucy and I had become friends. She was very sweet and an outsider, like me. She liked music, playing several instruments, and movies. She would talk about a band or a movie and I would nod my head in agreement to anything she said. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I had never been to a movie nor did I have any idea what music Hanson played. Did I love them? Yes, Lucy…if you do…I do.

  Even though we were the same age, Lucy like all of the girls in my class was more advanced physically than I was. From the age of three, I ate what was raised or grown on the ranch. We had chickens and fresh eggs. We ate venison and fish from the river. We had a few cows for our milk and when they got older, they gave us meat. We raised piglets from time to time.

  We grew vegetables and berries. Made our own bread, butter and just about everything else. We bought coffee, sugar,
that sort of thing. I didn’t get all the hormone infested chicken and beef that the other girls got. So, I hadn’t become a “woman” yet.

  I heard them talking in the bathroom about having “the rag on” and other interesting euphemisms. I had missed the “talk and movie” that they had seen in fifth grade. I knew what was going to happen, mostly from my sister. But I was as flat chested as any boy, a fact pointed out to me on a regular basis.

  On one of my Saturday farmers’ market rides with Sky the subject came up. “You know someday you’ll be just like them. You’ll have the same equipment and it will function like theirs,” he said staring at the road in front of him. I wanted the truck door to spring open so I could fall out. I sat silently turning redder by the minute.

  “Did you hear me?” he asked, like I was in the next county instead of right next to him.

  “I heard you, I’m ignoring you.”

  “Why are you ignoring me? I’m just trying to help.”

  “You’d help by changing the subject.”

  “Why? It’s a perfectly good subject. I understand you have questions about your body and I thought I might help,” he said in all seriousness. By God, I was going to find the leak that was giving out this “information” and plug it for good!

  “I’m good.”

  “Okay, good to know.”

  I risked a sideways glance at him and detected a small smile. He’ll pay for that!

  April first…April fool’s day. Most people celebrate Christmas, Easter and their birthdays waiting for their presents. My favorite day was April first. I waited for my first prank as if it was a diamond ring. April was my month, when I could do foolish things and blame it on a foolish month.

  School was the usual stupid pranks. I watched a guy open his locker to find it filled with shaving cream. One girl sat on gum. Someone washed their hands in the bathroom and ink came out of the dispenser instead of soap. Amateur stuff.

  I went to lunch and someone, (I suspect it was Dove,) had put ketchup on my chicken salad sandwich. Now you’re talking. That was gross!

  Once I made it home, I found fake poop in my work boots…loved it! And getting into bed that night my bed had been short-sheeted. I laughed for ten minutes straight while I remade my bed, so I could sleep. I absolutely love April fools and the things they do! Thank God, I’ll always have April.

  The school year was drawing to an end and preparations were being made for our promotion ceremony. We lined up to practice our entrance and I was lucky enough to have Lucy one boy away from me. When the practice was finished, we all went back to class. Shortly after, I was called down to Mrs. Katz’s office.

  I walked in and she beamed at me and said, “Hi Firelight, how’s it going?” She always called me that when we were alone and Neomi when anyone else, especially a kid, was around.

  “I’m good, how are you?” I asked politely.

  “I’m very good. I have something for you. Each year we have a fund that’s used for different things. At the end of the year if there is any money left the faculty votes on what to do with it. In years past we’ve done things like buy books for a student. We’ve made a donation to a student’s memorial. Things like that. This year we voted to do this,” she said handing me a wrapped box.

  “For me?” I said, dumfounded.

  “Yes, for you. Open it, I’m dying over here!” I carefully unwrapped the beautiful foil paper. I had never had my hands on anything so fine. We never wrapped anything like this. For us, it was newsprint or grocery bags. I wanted this paper almost as much as I wanted what was inside.

  I stripped all of the tape from it so I didn’t tear the paper. Then I took the top off and inside, under the pink tissue paper, was the most beautiful dress ever made. I immediately burst into tears as I held it up. “This is for me? Why?”

  “You’re a beautiful and smart young woman and we wanted you to have a pretty dress to wear to promotion. There are shoes to match. I hope you like them,” she said holding another box.

  I couldn’t take my eyes from the dress. It was a pale pink with white eyelet lace around the neckline. It had short sleeves and tied in the back. The front was sheered to the waist and had a full skirt. It was a party dress, yet simple, like me. The shoes were a deeper shade of pink with little kitten-heels and a small pink bow with a diamond cabochon in the center.

  “Thank you. I should say more but I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had a dress like this. No, correction, I’ve never had a dress,” I said, thinking about it.

  “Is your family coming to the promotion?”

  “I hope so. If they can, they will. There is always a lot of work to do.”

  “I’m sure. I have a plan.”

  “What’s your plan?” I asked curiously.

  I got off the bus on promotion day and went to Mrs. Katz’s office. She had me change into my dress, having bought me a pair of pantyhose and showing me how to put them on without my finger going through them, and then I put on the shoes. She came back into her office and tied my ties into perfect bows.

  Next, she brushed my hair and fixed it with her curling iron to resemble how the other girls wore theirs. A dab of pink lip-gloss and I was looking in the full-length mirror behind her closet door.

  I had the same eyes as I did this morning but everything else including the smile that I have never seen before on me, was new and different. “Wow, you look yummy. How do you feel?” she asked, appraising me.

  “I don’t have the words. I feel special. Thank you so much.”

  “That’s exactly what I want to hear. Wait here for the procession and then take your place in line. Keep that smile on your face because today is all yours, Firelight. You deserve it. You’ve earned it. Everyone here and mostly me are going to miss you.”

  To see the faces of my classmates when I joined them was exciting. It was everything, that is until I walked outside and saw my parents, Sky and Grey sitting in the front row. My mouth went dry. My mom had a pretty dress on as did Grey. My dad and Sky wore different shades of blue button down shirts and new-looking jeans. Sky had trimmed his hair and beard, something I had never seen him do. It almost made me cry just looking at them. Sky mouthed, “You look beautiful, Firelight.”

  The ceremony began with the usual speeches from the Superintendent and Board of Education members in attendance. Then the Principal, Mr. Dunham, stood to speak.

  “Good morning and welcome to our promotion ceremony for the graduating class of 2003. It gives me great pleasure, especially this year, to tell you about our Most Outstanding Student recipient. This student arrived at our school and had a very rough start. In fact, we were surprised to find not only did the student come back but decided to stay at all. Needless to say, that wasn’t the first surprise this student handed us. In early May, the teachers submit the name of a student that they believe meets our criteria for this honor. The student has to excel in their schoolwork but also has to have another quality. Leadership, athletics, moral turpitude, talent in art or music, these are some of the many aspects of achievement we look for. Then at our meeting, each teacher is given five minutes to tout the virtues of their chosen candidate. At the end we vote and choose the best of the best for this honor. In the past we have had several teachers pick the same student to champion. For the first time in the history of this process, all of the teachers chose the same student. Needless to say, we had a very short decision meeting. Some of the adjectives used in the nominations for this student were, ‘Overachiever, masterful in imagination and execution of personal ideas, brilliant and unaware, command of language and the ability to use it properly, makes advanced math look like math for idiots.’ I particularly liked that one.”

  A laugh erupted at his comment. I wasn’t paying much attention to his words as I was staring at my family. They all had the same smile on their faces, wide and welcoming. Grey looked especially proud. Mr. Dunham’s voice came back as the laughter died out.

  “It is my greatest pleasure, and I mean
that because I had to fight and pull rank on other people who wanted to present this award, to announce, that Miss Neomi Firelight Dillon is our Most Outstanding Student for this year.”

  Chapter Four

  Sky, my parents and Grey stood immediately as did all of the teachers and staff present. “Firelight, it’s you!” Lucy yelled at me. She reached over the boy between us and shook my hand. “Firelight, it’s you!”

  Her words finally sunk in and I shakily got to my feet. Mrs. Katz stood next to Mr. Dunham smiling and clapping. I walked to them and shook their hands. “Congratulations, Firelight,” they both said. “I told you it was your day,” Mrs. Katz added.

  My middle school experience ended on a high note. I thought Sky was going to have a conniption he was so excited for me. My plaque came with a prize. I got a $50 gift certificate to Staples for school supplies for high school. Also a $50 certificate to Amazon for books.

  I bounced up our dirt road after school that afternoon. I had taken my beautiful dress off, not wanting it to get dirty, and carefully folded it up and placed it back in the box. That day I knew what David felt like. I could have taken Goliath on and won, too.

  Over the summer, I kept up with the reading list I was given, completing forty-six books in seven weeks. Every time Sky went into town, he would drop me off at the library. I began to teach myself French and Italian listening to the program on the library’s computer.

  I almost forgot, over the summer I became a woman too. July nineteenth to be exact. I didn’t feel great first thing in the morning. By early afternoon, I knew why. My red-headed-sister showed up, that’s what Grey named your period.

  I went for a walk in my field of tall grass thinking I will never be a girl again. From now on, I was a woman with all the responsibilities that entails. I was to be a wife and mother. I would have to take care of a house and family. I would be the one that loved and cared for and taught the next generation. All of this I saw as my future. I couldn’t have been more wrong if I tried to be.